Profile Me . . . Please!

THE CURRENT IMMIGRATION CONTROVERSY, where the federal government is suing Arizona for enforcing a state immigration law that is less invasive than its federal counterpart, once again raises cries from the left of racial profiling.

As if that were a bad thing. Not just profiling, but racial profiling. Oh, the horror!

Let’s say I’m driving home late one night and I am stopped by a policeman because my car matches the description of a car leaving the scene of a crime. A quick check of my license and registration resolves the issue and soon I’m on my way. I was just car profiled.

But what if the car was seen leaving a bar after a woman had been mugged by a man? I might be delayed for a substantially longer time because I am a man driving a car fitting the witnesses’ description. I might sit in the back of the police cruiser for some time as my alibi is checked out. When it is, I am let go and the police say, “Sorry, sir, but we had to be sure.” In addition to being car profiled, I was gender profiled.

Now, let’s take it one step further. Say the witnesses of the mugging noted that the assailant drove a car like mine, was male, and was white. As I sit handcuffed in the back of the police cruiser, another man driving a car like mine is allowed to pass. Why don’t they stop him?

Because he’s black. I have just been racially profiled.

Now, tell me truthfully, how is racial profiling any different than car or gender profiling? All these profiles help law enforcement find the guilty party. Eventually, the police will discover that I am not the perpetrator and will let me go. I might spend the night in jail, but I will be let go because I am innocent. Indeed, if I am arrested, I will pray that they profile every white man driving a car like mine within a hundred miles of that bar in order to find the criminal and let me go free.

Someone is going to say that the police are not interested in catching criminals, only in making arrests. I will only say that such police should be exposed and punished. But the other 99% are trying to catch criminals, not arrest innocent people.

In this light, the immigration debate becomes quite simple. Since 99% of the illegal aliens in this country are Hispanic (due to our contiguous borders with Mexico), it makes perfect sense to focus on the Hispanic population when seeking illegals. When I travel in South America, I always carry my passport with me. I stick out like a sore thumb because of my race. Soldiers at provincial border checks single me out and ask me for my identification. I am not surprised or offended. The vast majority of the people around me have dark skin; I do not. I am, therefore, by definition, “alien” and thus accorded scrutiny. That’s why I got the visa and passport in the first place, so I could enter their country legally and, notwithstanding the inconvenience of having to produce my documents, can move freely within the country.

Given the tens of millions of illegal aliens now in my country due to the dysfunction of their countries and our porous southern border, it therefore makes perfect sense to ask all Hispanics for identification. Only those who are not citizens have anything to fear; lawfully-admitted foreigners and naturalized American citizens will suffer only minor inconveniences. I doubt anybody with proper identification will find themselves sitting handcuffed in the back of a police cruiser. You provide ID when you write a check at the grocery store, don’t you?

The core truth behind the immigration debate is the desire of the democratic party to increase its voter base. Since the vast majority of democrats vote that way because they see the government as a provider of goods and services and not as a thief of wealth, democratic votes are obtained by interest group bribery: affirmative action for the black community, government contracts for the unions, and anchor-baby citizenship for illegal Hispanics, who really should be called “undocumented democrats.”

So all this whining about racial profiling is a mere smoke screen. Every day, I am profiled in a dozen different ways. The credit card offers I receive in the mail are economic profiles. The yard maintenance flyer on my front door is a home-ownership profile. Even the ads that pop up on my Facebook page are tailored to the profile I authored there. Most of these profiling measures are minor inconveniences; some, like a mistaken arrest, can be greatly disturbing. But every day we’re profiled in order to maintain a safe and secure society.

Seems a small price to pay. So, profile me . . . please! I have ID and an alibi.